


Someday I'll Be Gone (I Hope That You'll Be Strong)

by BlackIrises



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Happy ending though, I promise, M/M, One Shot, Sad Louis, Sadness, Sick Harry, dying and death, its not too sad, just a little lilou at the end, larry base, larry stylinson - Freeform, little bit of fluff crammed in there, rather short one shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 09:45:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3846268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackIrises/pseuds/BlackIrises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"How am I supposed to be happy when you've got hardly a month left to live?" His voice grew thick, and he could feel tears dampen his eyes despite promising himself that he wouldn't cry anymore. "How am I supposed to be happy when I'm on the verge of losing my soul mate?" </p>
<p>Or the one where Harry has limited time left and Louis doesn't want to let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someday I'll Be Gone (I Hope That You'll Be Strong)

"Harry,"

"No."

"But-"

"I said no, Lou."

The older man sighed, head dropping only to be caught in his hands. His blue eyes were still puffy and red, a state they had seemed to stay in for who knows how long. When was the last time he'd even cried? He knew it couldn’t have been more than a couple hours earlier but to be honest, he wasn't sure - he just felt numb now. "It's for your own good." He muttered, willing his voice to be firm but sighing once again when his words came out weak and empty.

"It's not going to stop anything, it'll just delay the inevitable. You know that."

Louis shook his head, sadness echoing around the hollowness left in his heart. "There's a chance that-"

"I'd hardly call what they gave us a chance." Harry's voice softened then, and Louis felt a large, shaky hand rest on the curve of his shoulder. "Look at me, love."

And Louis did, not being able to suppress a quiet gasp at the sight of his fiancée - bony arms, sunken cheeks, sickly skin, and a bald head. He still wasn't used to Harry looking like that, and so the feelings he'd get every time he would see his ill boyfriend never seemed to stop. "'M looking." He said, devoid of emotion.

Harry, although resting in a dying body, watched Louis with eyes that never seemed to lose their flame. "The cancer's spread too much for me to be cured. We both know that chemo will only keep me going for another few months at most." Louis whimpered, but Harry didn't stop. "We can’t just go back in time and diagnose the osteosarcoma sooner - we don't have the power to change things like that. But we do have the power to make every last second amazing. Thinking about the inevitable won't do either of us any good, so let's just live in the moment until it comes to an end, yeah?"

Louis couldn't believe how nonchalant his fiancée was talking about his disease, his damned disease that barged in without warning and ruined their lives. "How am I supposed to be happy when you've got hardly a month left to live?" His voice grew thick, and he could feel tears dampen his eyes despite promising himself that he wouldn't cry anymore. "How am I supposed to be happy when I'm on the verge of losing my soulmate?"

And that's when Harry used his limited strength to pull the now-sobbing Louis against his chest, closing his eyes as he felt the smaller boy shake in his arms. There wasn't much room to spare on his small hospital bed, the tubes and medical equipment he was hooked up to only there to make things harder than they should’ve been, but the discomfort of their position seized to bother him. "Shh..." He whispered, using the hand that wasn't around Louis brush against his fiancée's stubbly cheek. "It's going to be alright."

"It's not going to be alright!" Louis sobbed, voice muffled by Harry's hospital gown. "You're going to be gone and I'll never see you again so I'm never going to be happy again and-"

"Don't you dare say that." Harry's voice was suddenly rather firm as he pried Louis off of him so he could look the sobbing boy in the eyes. "You are going to be happy. When I'm gone, which will be one day soon, you're going to find someone else, and you're going to fall in love and start a family. You're going to be okay without me, Lou."

Emotion swam harshly in Louis' deep blue irises. "No, I'm really not. I'm not ever going to be okay because I'm not going to have you."

Harry's heart constricted - it always had whenever Louis spoke about life afterwards in such a negative way. "Louis, you _are_ going to have me. Just because I won't be with you in a physical sense doesn't mean I won't be with you in your heart. Remember when we said our souls were tied up together?" He didn't wait for answer. "They won't just untie, they'll stay intertwined forever. _Me and you are forever_ , Lou, but that doesn't mean you can't move on after I'm gone."

"But-"

"If not for you, then for me. I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone else, and I want you to live your life the best you possibly can. I want you to stay strong, no matter what happens." Harry's hands slid down Louis' body until they found Louis' hands. "Scratch that - I don't want any of those things, I _need_ them. When I leave this earth, I _need_ to know that you're going to keep living life to its fullest."

Louis was stunned. Harry had never been so blunt about what would happen after he was gone, and so he hardly knew how to respond. "I-I..."

"Promise me you'll stay strong after my time comes." Harry glanced down and inspected their clasped hands, smiling softly as he noticed their tattoos lining up with each other.

Louis bit his lip, trying to focus on Harry's breathing to stop the fresh wave of tears that threatened to crash down on him.

When Louis didn't give him an answer, instead turning his gaze away, Harry tilted his head forward, bumping Louis' forehead with his own. "Promise me, Lou. If I'm dying, I want to die happily, and I won't die happily unless I know that you're gonna be happy without me."

Louis was torn. He didn't think it'd be possible to ever move on, to ever be happy again, but he loved Harry too much to risk unhappiness during his final hours.

He exhaled heavily, pulling his hands from Harry's and leaning forward to embrace Harry's heart-wrenchingly thin body.

They sat in their embrace for God knows how long, silence occupying the tiny hospital room until Louis decided to speak up. "I promise." He finally said, swallowing hard.

Harry, hearing the sincerity in Louis' voice, gave a teary smile to the shoulder his face was pressed against before slowly slipping from their embrace.

"Thank you." He murmured, cupping Louis' chin with an unstable hand and kissing the sensitive spot of skin between Louis' eyes.

Louis could only nod, fresh tears blurring his vision.

\----

Harry passed away five weeks later, peacefully and silently in his sleep. Louis, who'd been curled up next to him that night because he felt as though something was off, was absolutely devastated. He knew losing Harry would hit him hard, but he never could've anticipated the force that relentlessly plowed him down once his fiancée had finally been pronounced dead. The funeral, held three days later, had come and gone, the never ending stream of family and friends who once knew Harry taking a moment to say their condolences all blurring together.

The first couple months afterwards were the hardest. Louis couldn't bring himself to find reason to keep breathing, and so fell into an all-consuming depression. It wasn't until his mate, Niall, had dragged him unwillingly from his house and into a therapist's office.

Louis really didn't want to go at first - even fought Niall multiple times on the matter - because he didn't believe therapy would ever fill the void that replaced his heart. He was right, it didn't fill the void, but he'd be lying if he said the therapy did him no good.

Seven months after Harry's passing, Louis found himself going out for daily walks again. He even, upon his therapist's recommendation, adopted a tiny beagle puppy, which he named Emmie. He fell in love with the little pup almost instantly, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he began to feel happy again.

His family, which he'd more or less shutout since Harry’s passing, started seeing more and more of Louis, noticing the progression of the man's look on life. Admittedly, said progression was slow and tedious, but it was worth it to see Louis beginning to smile again.

When Harry had been gone for sixteen months, Louis found himself sitting in a small coffee shop, palms sweaty as he waited for his date to arrive, a nice brunette with sweet eyes and a gentle voice named Liam. He’d been reluctant to start dating again, but somehow the younger man had won him over.

Liam, who'd ended up clicking quite well with Louis, had proposed they share a flat eight months into their relationship. The two were happy with each other, and Louis could hardly ask for anything more.

The story of Harry came out to Liam on the four year anniversary of his death, when the brown-eyed man had found Louis sobbing in bed, hunched over the picture of a young curly-haired boy. Liam had comforted him and gotten him through his grief, promising that he'd always be there if Louis ever needed a shoulder to cry on.

Three and a half years into their relationship, Louis proposed. Six months later saw the two newlyweds honeymooning on the beaches of Bermuda.

Time passed quickly for Louis after that, and in the blink of an eye, he found himself with a daughter, Lily, and a son, Edward. He was happy, happier than he thought he could ever be again.

There wasn't a day that passed where his thoughts didn't drift to Harry, but he was glad he had gotten the strength to move on from his first love. If he hadn't, he never would've met his husband, never would've gotten to hold his most precious children.

Now, as he sits cross-legged on the large, grassy lawn in front of his home, watching Edward and Lily play tag, he looks up to the sky with a thoughtful smile.

"I kept my promise, Harry." He whispers, taking in a deep breath. “I’m happy now.”

Liam takes a seat next to him, having just returned from the barbecue. He doesn't say anything, but instead pulls his husband into his lap. Louis chuckles, nuzzling into Liam's shoulder.

Louis couldn't have asked for a better life.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So this one was kind of hard to write for me... I'm not one for death when writing, but I really wanted to try it so... This happened.  
> Feedback is greatly appreciated, and with that, I'm off to do homework. Or go on tumblr. Probably the latter.  
> Thanks for reading ;3  
> -Sarah


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